Plan "B"

In the summer, I normally spend long weekends and an occasional week at our family cottage in northern Michigan. As my parents age, I have increased the amount of time I am there, because I want to be with them as much as possible before they return south for the winter. This year, I arranged to spend several two week periods with them. I got the cottage opened up and cleaned the cobwebs away. I cut the grass and weeded the garden, and even planted some coreopsis and zinnias for my mom.

They still have not arrived, thanks to a cascade of health issues that my mom is experiencing. After not arriving in mid-May, they planned for July 1. Then the end of July, then mid August.

With each delay, I found myself sad and disappointed, and a little scared that "this might be it" for my mom. As I sat with these thoughts and feelings, I realized this was all out of my control, and that I could choose to be miserable and upset all summer, or I could choose to go on with my life just like I do when they are south for the winter.

I have grieved the changes this summer and missed them a great deal. And I have also begun to create a life for myself at the cottage. I have had dear friends come to vacation here, gotten to know some of my neighbors better, reconnected with old friends, and even gotten a library card in town. I have shared some "quality time" with my kids, gone on some field trips, and picked way too many raspberries!

It can be this way for all the difficult changes in our lives, if we choose. We can feel the pain of change and also open into the space the change creates. We can choose how much we want to suffer, or not. We may not be able to control the things that happen in our lives - we can decide how we want to act in the midst of those events.

I am choosing to experience my feelings as they arise and to let them pass, as they will. I am practicing gratitude for all the love and times that I have shared with my parents here at the cottage. And I am planning a visit to their southern home...